I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
