Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
