these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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