I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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