So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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