Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
