Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
