Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
