not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
