I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
