I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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