Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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