Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
