Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
