people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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