We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
