I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
