he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
