I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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