How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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