He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
