During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
