i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
