dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
