I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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