you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Can I color on your dick again?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
