Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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