you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
