i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
