smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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