So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm like, not good at living.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
