Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
