I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
sex in a hospital.. check
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
