It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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