I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
