I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
