I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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