i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
