Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
that may or may not have been my penis.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
