Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
