I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
