party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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