I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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