Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
