I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
