no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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