Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
