Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
