It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
