no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
